:D

So a lot of things have happened in my life since I turned 14.  Some good and some bad.  But there are always those few things that stick out in my mind that I won't ever forget.  I'm not really sure WHAT I'm talking about, but I do have one thing in my head that won't leave.  I don't want it to.  But the fact that it won't go away... is driving me insane.

I've dated lots of boys.  Which is not a bad thing.  The prophet said to date lots.  And I have!  but I claimed to love them all.  Which I'm not saying I didn't.  I did.  They don't believe me. But I don't care.  I know I truly cared and loved them.  Just not how they wanted me to.

But this blog isn't about those boys.  It's actually just about one.  My best friend.  He was the best guy friend I could EVER have.  We have so many memories!  Ha!  He was actually the first person to ever get me to swear....   but thats bad... So we forget that happened (lol!)  We are getting across from the point!  This boy is amazing!  He is the best listener ever!  And he always knew when I needed a hug.  When I needed a smile.  He always knew what to do to make me be happy.  Hanging out with him was great!  We never had a dull moment.  It's like we knew each other all our lives.

One day, this boy told me he liked me.  I told him I didn't like him that way.  He was ok with that and he continued on.  But what I told him...   was a lie.   I just couldn't get myself to tell him.  I didn't know what to do. I knew he liked me.  I didn't want him to.  I don't know why.  I didn't want things to get weird between us.  I didn't want to screw up the most perfect friendship ever!!!

This boy and I were friends through the rest of high school with a few ignorant moments, which we later forgave each other for.  Graduation came.  I still talked to him.  But not nearly as much.  I remember he went to Disneyland with his family.  And for two or three days straight, instead of going places with his family, he stayed at the place they were staying and we played games through MSN messenger.  It was probably one of the best times ever.  I didn't even talk to him with my voice.  Just typing.  But it was great!  Then the next few months I lost sight of lots of things that were important.  October came around... he got his mission call!!!  He called me..  "Toronto Canada"

"Are you serious?!"

"yeah I'm serious"

"That is where my grandpa lives!!"

"Really? thats awesome!"

"Oh my gosh! I can't believe you are going to canada!!! I'm so happy for you!"

And that was the end of the call.  I couldn't believe it..  The millions of places he could go... And he goes there.  Amazing.

A month later he texts me  "We should hang out before I go."   "agreed" I say

"let me take you out to dinner"

"alright. That sounds fun"

did it ever happen?  no :(    I got "busy" and couldn't.  

Christmas Time came around.  His farewell was the sunday before..  I had to buy christmas presents  "I really want to get him something mom.  I missed his birthday too... I'm horrible" 

"get him something for his mission!"

":D ok!!"

So the next time I was in Ogden, my dad and I went missionary shopping.  I had some ideas but wasn't sure what he could take with him...  and I wanted what I gave him to stay with him.  I wanted part of me to be with him.  After a long day of searching two different Deseret Book stores and one Segull Books...   We got what we needed.  A tie pin with ETTE  (but the last E is backward), a hold to the rod key chain, a book called "The Missionary's Little Book of Teaching Tools" then a card that said something to the thought of  (front) friend (like a dictionary type look), open it and it said  definition: you.  It said a few other things.  But thats it.

Wrapping presents this year was way fun but my favorite was definitely wrapping his.  After wrapping it.  I found a little present bag and stuck it in.  Tied it closed. Found a paper bag.  Put it in (perfect fit!). Closed that and STAPLED.  Wrote "Do not open til christmas" on the bag.  Then on the 23rd of christmas.  I drove over to his house.  PRAYED he wouldn't answer the door. 

 *knock knock*

little girl opens door (and I feel horrible for not knowing her name... but she was the littlest sister)

I smile and talk quietly  "Can you give this to Chris.  Don't tell him its from me... ok?"

She got very excited!!!  "ok!!"

She took the bag and ran away.  

Christmas morning comes around..   I get a text  "Thank you."

:D   what a great christmas!!

Then January 14th came around.  And he was gone.  I never saw him.  :( 

but that didn't stop us talking to each other!  that first day I sent him a letter the day he got there.  And the following Saturday I got one back!!! How exciting!

For a while, I got random emails and letters.  Then it stopped for about a week.  Then I got an email  "I'm in Canada!!!" thats what it said!

Wow! in canada?! already?!?!!  wow.

from there out... I got weekly emails. Wednesday  (I was dumb though.... and didn't realize they came on the same day each week....)

But I was REALLY stupid and didn't write him... for a month.  He continued to write me though... but every week... they were smaller and smaller.... and smaller...  I was angry at myself!

So I finally wrote him back.. HAHA   three emails, two letters and two more emails... then another letter and one more email.  And I'm sending another letter very soon.....  all in a three weeks...

But this isn't the end...

I was talking to a friend of mine. Actually he is more then a friend.  He is my little brother :D  But we were talking and I was telling him about how bad I felt and how I missed Chris and... well I realized something talking to him...   I'm in love with my best friend.  I always knew I liked him... but...  I never cared for a guy like this before.  I cry because he is gone.  But I'm happy for what he is doing.  My feelings are all mixed up but I know exactly where they are at the same time!!

:)  I wrote him a letter...  and I'm going to send it to him.  It's a pretty good letter if I must say so myself.

I hope he enjoys it.  Cause I know I enjoyed writing it.  :D  

This boy is constantly on my mind!  It drives me insane! Not because it bugs me... but because I know I can't see him for a little less than two years!!!   :)  I'm going to do it.  two years is nothing.  I got through high school faster then I ever imagined!  two years of pretty much nothing ness is going to be a piece of cake!

I love him.  and I want everyone to know.    ...especially him.

Now this. This is the end.  For now :)

Bored

Hello again.

I was looking at my last blog and decided to write more today. Cause I'm just in one of those moods.

Lets think about since I last wrote.... hmmm  I am officially single now.  My decision.  and I don't really want to get with anyone.  Thinking about some but not sure.  I really just want to make friends in Logan.  That is all I want right now.

My classes are totally great.  Sometimes I'm exhausted but I love them anyways. I only actually have classes tuesday and thursday.  So I get to sleep in all those other days.

I honestly don't know what to write.

Nothing exciting has really happened in my life lately.  Oh except when I actually hung out with a group of people one weekend.  It was the most fun I have had in a while.  I made some good friends. And I've been up to their apartments almost every day since :D

When something exciting actually happens in my life, I promise to write it down.  But for now...  not sure it'll happen...

might be a while before I write again.

LOVE YOU GUYS!

Me

So...   I've been told I need to write another blog.  I wasn't sure what to write it on.  But then I came up with something..

So I will start out with About Me.  (you may learn something you didn't know before)

Just in case you didn't know..

My name is Emily Marguerite Mikhail.  

My mom always loved the name Emily so therefore that is my name.  

My middle name, Marguerite, is from my Grandma.  Marguerite (Assaad) Mikhail was an amazing women.  She was a teacher and taught...  too many things for me to write.  She knew 9 different languages and had the best degree a human being could get.  She became a self doctor and turned her garage into her pharmacy doctor area.  She was mainly an herb doctor.  She had diabetes and got very very sick.  She refused to go to the hospital until one day she was FORCED to go.  She was in the hospital for about a month or so..   then she died.  This happened in my 9th Grade Year.  She died on a Friday and my family flew up to Canada that following Sunday morning.  We got there Sunday night and all got situated.  On Monday we had the seeing thing (whatever that is called) and it was very weird.  The next day was the Funeral in which Melissa and I sang a song.  Melissa cried the whole song so I ended up singing a solo.  We went to where she was going to be buried and it rained the whole time.  My grandma still doesn't have a grave stone because of some weird reason my grandpa decided.  The next day Melissa and I got on a plane.  Just the two of us.  And flew home.  She had classes she couldn't miss.  And I had an NAL meet.     One of the hardest years of my life.  But it was nice coming home to a "feel better" card which was signed by half of the NAL team.  (which may I add I still have and will never throw away)

That is my middle name...

My last name is Mikhail as you all know.  It is Arabic and is not pronounced right.  But its too complicated to try to get everyone to pronounce it correctly so we don't.  Also I have lots of relatives in Canada.  Mikhails.....Michaels...   (pronounced the same... they decided to spell it different)   and also some Assaads and Botros   (If I've missed anyone... I am very sorry)

I am 18 years old at this moment.  My birthday is July 19th 1990.  My first best friend's birthday was that day and it was awesome being the same age.  There was also a boy I liked whose birthday was that day but we only dated for 2 weeks.  Then I learned he was stupid.  The third person's birthday on that day became one of my best friends but later became someone I can't even think about without feeling angry.  She hurt me worse then a friend ever could  (or should).    I have only been home ON my birthday 3 times.  My 14th birthday in which I ended up babysitting my little sisters and my cousins  (don't remember how that happened) and I also saw A Cinderella Story at the North Pointe Theatre which I took my sisters and cousin to.  On my 16th Birthday I went to North Pointe again with my cousin Nathan and his friend (my boyfriend at the time) TJ and we saw Transformers.  On my 18th birthday I hung out with my Boyfriend Dan.  It I remember right we watched Batman (The Dark Knight) that night...  

Other birthdays I remember distinctively....

my 10th birthday (party).  July 16th 2000.  I had a sleepover.  Half the girls there I didn't even know  (my mom just invited people cause I didn't have many friends).  My cousins Codie and Parker Madsen stayed at our house and that was the night my cousin Gracie was born.

my 13th birthday was the biggest mess up at Bear Lake my family has ever had.  Somehow our reservations got messed up and we were signed up for the next week.  It was their fault so they let my family stay in the playground area at the KOA.  That was the first time a boy ever hit on me.  And also the first time a boy tried to stop other boys from hitting on me.  My oldest brother got me a spoon from Bear Lake.  My older sister got me a card that had a mirror in it.  I also had a ding-dong as my cake and 13 tall skinny calendars on it  (Which I still have).

On my 15th birthday I was forced to go to Canada and I cried my whole birthday.  I was stuck in a motorhome with 11 other people.  My aunt felt bad so at the next stop (Iowa) she bought me a spoon and a sucker and then we celebrated  ( I still cried).   It ended up being a fun trip.  But I still wish we could have left two days later.

Every other birthday I was on a vacation somewhere...   doesn't matter.

My first favorite color was yellow but for some reason I decided I hated it and have never liked yellow since.  I now love blue, green and purple.   Sometimes green is in front of blue but purple is always last.   I like other colors too but  they don't really matter.

I am allergic to milk..   its that simple..   I can eat stuff with milk in it. but never milk straight.  I am also allergic to chocolate  (it might actually be the milk in it....)  I still eat it though but it makes me sick.

I'm not actually sure what my favorite food is.  I like Pizza, Chinese, Japanese, and many other things..

I have played the piano since I was 4 but I'm not really that good at it  (I never lasted longer then a year with a piano teacher and ended up quitting at 16 because my teacher stopped teaching me).  First instrument I ever wanted to play was trumpet.  Then I wanted to play drums.  Then guitar. I didn't know what a flute was but somehow ended up playing it.  I also play other instruments or have at some point or another in my life.  I've played violin, tenor sax, alto sax, recorder, ukulele, clarinet...   and I can't think of anything else.

I am a Mormon.  I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I always have been and always will be.  I do not remember before the Mountain Ward.  First Bishop I remember is Bishop Stowers  (President Stowers now...  but not for long.  He is getting released in a week or so).  Second Bishop was Bishop Shaw.  He was basically a teenager in a grownup body.  The Bishop after that was my daddy, then Bishop Anderson, Bishop Burch and now it is Bishop Peterson.  

I have broken my arm(s) 8 times.  My right arm 6 times  (one of those times was actually my elbow) and my left one twice.  First time was when I was one and the last time was when I was 10. That last year I was given herbs that made my bones stronger and I have not broken a bone since.

In 7th grade I was in a car accident that has left me hurting since.  I went to the chiropractor 2 times a week for 2 months then only once every 2 weeks for another 2 months.  Then once a month for two months and now go every 6 weeks (or when I can with my family)  The first time I went to the chiropractor after that accident I could not move my head to the left or the right farther then an inch.    Before my senior year I went on a stake trek to martin's grove.  On the second day hiking over a hill my shoulder popped and I could no lift it higher then my chest.  I spent the rest of Trek in a sling.  6 months later (my senior year of high school) I started getting a stinging pain in my back on the left side.  I went to Physical Therapy for 3 weeks and it was very very painful...    I'm better but still have to do exercises  (do I?   no...)

High School was an interesting time for me.  I'll shorten it and if you want details.... ask.

Sophmore year I had a boyfriend but he ignored me but I went with it anyways.  He got asked out a lot and went with them....  it was not very fun for me.       that's my sophmore year....

Junior year I couldn't take the neglect any longer and broke up with him.  I then dated 9 other boys.  Brian Hoffmann, Mason Geilman, Matt Lund, Matt Lunt  (weird huh), Jeff Linville, Adam Christensen, TJ Mihu, Dan Lippert, Derrick Staheli.  I then got back with my first boyfriend.  In which things were going great my senior year.  Til something happened.  I did not find out about it til April 1st that year.  And I did not believe it...  but found out it was true.  My boyfriend cheated on me.  I tried forgiving him and claimed I did for the rest of senior year then two weeks after graduation when I hadn't even HEARD from him since the graduation party...  he finally called me...   and I broke up with him.  Cause I never forgave him.

I then started dating another boy.  

I'll now start talking about being at Utah State.  I am a student at Utah State University.  There were three reasons for moving up here.  (1) My closest cousins live in Logan. (2) My brother went here. (3) a music teacher came to Weber High and convinced me.

I was going to become a Music Major but decided not to after I was declined by the Music Program.  I then decided I wanted to be a teacher. Elementary teacher...  Deaf Teacher.  So I am now on my way to a degree in teaching.  In a year or so I should be accepted and then two years after that I should be done and be a certified, degree holding, deaf teacher/elementary teacher.  I also decided that I will minor in Business.  Still not positive why I decided that.  But I did.

I live at the apartments I do  (I ain't giving my address away on here. You know where I live) with Colette as my roommate.  There is also Ashley, Janette, McCalle and Camille.  It's great and I love it.  I have no job and have been trying since I moved here.  Colette and I are living here over the summer and will get jobs then.  We are then going to keep them so we can actually pay for things.

My dream someday is to move to New York.  It has been my dream since I was about 7 years old.  And every movie I've seen since (even the bad, horror like ones) has convinced me even more.  As you know, I would also love to go to Ireland. Live there? Visit? who knows. But I will go someday.  If I were to live anywhere outside of the United States...  it'll be somewhere in Europe.  Not positive where but I will.

That is my blog for now.  If I ever have the urge to tell you more about my life I will.  There was a lot more I could have told you here but I decided not to.

Dear Cameron,

I hope you like this blog.  I wrote it for every one but never would have started if you hadn't told me to.  This was very fun for me.  And once I started writing... I just kept going.  Now you may know more about me.

Love you ALL!

What to do..

I sit here and I think to myself  "Am I doing the right thing?"  I never realized that this would be my true trial in life.  And now that I see it, I'm not sure what to do.  

Utah State is a great school.  I hated it at first.  So much did I hate it that I was, without a doubt, moving back to Ogden.  But then over Christmas Break something changed.  My attitude?  My thoughts?  My feelings?  I'm not sure.  It might have been all of those and it might have been none.  But one thing I know for sure is that I am suppose to stay in Logan.  I need to go to this school.  And nothing..  I REPEAT NOTHING..  will stop me.  

I have decided I will live here and I will finish school.  I will not transfer unless that is what I need to do at the time.  I will stay where I need to be.  

But...

I'm worried.  Have I gotten in over my head?  Did I say the wrong thing when I promised?  What do I do?! I have done this so many times but I just can't do it again.

I know what I need to do for me.  And I know that I will not change what I know to be true to make someone else happy.  As much as I want to...   This is a time in my life when I need to do what is in the better for me.

Nothing will stop me.

Nothing will change my mind.

The Beginning

Today is January 13th 2009.  It is a new school semester in college and I've got a pretty good schedule.  But that is not why this is the beginning.  My roommate and I discovered today that someone close to us has had a hard time this last month.  Her brother was killed.  When we found out we were lost for words or what to do.  She did not even tell us about it, but yet we found out through her blog about this tragedy.  It is a horrible thing but  We know that through our religion and our believes that he is in an amazing place.  Not just an amazing place but the best place someone could be.  Our Heavenly Father and our brother are taking care of him and he is safe.  It is a hard thing to lose someone close to you (believe me, I know) but it is always helpful to remember one of the simplest songs.  "I have a family here on Earth.  They are so good to me.  I want to share my life with them for all eternity.  Families can be together forever.  Through Heavenly Father's Plan.  I always want to be with my own family, and the Lord has shown me how I can.  The Lord has shown me how I can."

And on that note.  I end this.  

To my close friend and her family.  I love you and hope you never forget our Father's Plan